Consider this before you hit send

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It's seven-thirty on a Tuesday morning and I'm at the kitchen table reading a cold email from a stranger.

The first sentence is about him.

The second sentence is about him.

The third sentence is about him.

By the fourth I've stopped reading and have started doing guilt gymnastics: "am I allowed to delete his email without feeling bad?"

To be honest, he hasn't yet given me a ton of reasons to feel bad. In three carefully edited paragraphs, he never asked himself the only question that mattered before he hit send: what did you make easier for the recipient?

The person on the other end of every cold email you write is at her kitchen table, or her Monday standup, or the back of her Uber to LaGuardia, and she is not, in those thirty seconds, curious about you.

The fix is three words:

You. The first sentence is about the recipient, not the sender. Something specific you noticed: what they said at a conference or on a podcast, an article they authored, a piece of work they did and why it matters. In other words: proof you did your homework.

"Caught your guest appearance on the Silicon Valley & The Void and loved your point about why checking Slack notifications at midnight is a digital manifestation of human suffering."

Them. The second sentence is still about the recipient! Show you understand their goals, priorities, or worldview:

"Unfortunately, knowing that Slack is a prison doesn't stop your product managers from sending 'quick question' pings that slowly erode your team's collective will to live."

Us. Only here do you appear. And when you appear, you appear to make something easier for them.

"That's why I thought my work on an emergency ejection seat from this capitalist nightmare might be helpful."

Then you make your ask. It should be small, specific, and serviceable. One specific question, not a free-floating offer of conversation. Something you'll bring to the table so they don't have to prepare:

[CTA] "Would you be open to a 20 minute talk to plan our escape?

Try this

Open the last cold outreach you sent and count the sentences before the recipient appears as the subject of a sentence.

If the count is anything other than zero...well, now you know for next time!

🌿 From I, I, I to you, them, us.